Monday, September 30, 2013

Fiddling with Jane and Tom at Mayo Gonda

Fiddling with Jane and Tom at Mayo Gonda

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Loud Boiling Test Tubes Hymn

Earth and All Stars 
By Herbert F. Brokering
Classrooms and labs, 
Loud boiling test tubes 
Sing to the Lord a new song! 
Athletes and band, 
Loud cheering people 
Sing to the Lord a new song! 

Yes, we should be able to find God in all creation, but "loud boiling test tubes" is just dopey.

  1. Sacred Songs Gone Wrong? You Decide -

    The good, the bad, and the cloying. ... Forward into battle see His banners go! Problem: Though subsequent verses ... Loud boiling test tubes. Sing to the Lord a ...

  2. Lionel Deimel's Web Log: New Verses for a Bad Hymn

    Apr 20, 2010 - Classrooms and labs, loud boiling testtubes [sic], ... Weeping, be gone; sorrow, be silent; ... Since our church is on a major university campus, the "athlete and band, loud boiling test tubes" line is perfect for our surroundings ...

  3. Faith and Theology: The stupidest hymn ever written

    Mar 13, 2009 - Classrooms and labs, loud boiling test tubes... The defence that "there have always been bad hymns" seems to me rather beside the point.

    The stupidest hymn ever written

    In the previous post, I mentioned that hymn-writing has not declined: hymns have always been mainly bad; the selection of a very small number of highlights for our modern hymnbooks simply creates the misleading impression that earlier generations were better, more profound songwriters.

    If you need any proof, Steve Holmes posts these amazing verses from the 18th century – this hymn probably deserves the title of the stupidest thing ever written (seriously, you could never find a contemporary hymn even remotely as stupid as this). It’s a stirring anti-Muslim tirade, written for the worship and edification of the saints:

    The smoke of the infernal cave,
    Which half the Christian world o’erspread,
    Disperse, Thou heavenly Light, and save
    The souls by that Impostor led,
    That Arab-chief, as Satan bold,
    Who quite destroy’d Thy Asian fold.

    O might the blood of sprinkling cry
    For those who spurn the sprinkled blood!
    Assert Thy glorious Deity,
    Stretch out Thine arm, Thou Triune God
    The Unitarian fiend expel,
    And chase his doctrine back to hell.

    Try singing it to the tune of “When I Survey Thy Wondrous Cross.” It’s very moving: I always get goosebumps when I sing the line about the “Unitarian fiend.” So who do you think wrote this liturgical gem? Why, it was Charles Wesley himself – the greatest hymn-writer who ever lived! As Steve observes, Charles Wesley published about 6,000 hymns – today, we still sing perhaps 20 of them. What happened to the other 5980? They were sung for a while (like our own contemporary ditties), then mercifully forgotten.

    Steve also posts this little beauty, penned by a Baptist hymn-writer in 1696 – come on, lift your hands to the Lord and sing it with me now (to the tune of “Crown Him with Many Crowns”):

    All mixtures, Lord, in Doctrine
    And Practice thou dost hate;
    Ourselves therefore with wicked men
    Let’s not associate!

    And John Stackhouse wants to complain about Chris Tomlin? Seriously? To accuse Tomlin of writing lyrics “considerably stupider than [those of] our much less educated Christian forebears”? Crikey, the man might as well be Shakespeare compared to these creative efforts of our esteemed “forebears”.

    The moral of the story? That (for reasons difficult to fathom) the church of Jesus Christ can survive and preserve its witness even in spite of all the hymns and hymn-writers and hymnals – perhaps even in spite of all the worship CDs and worship leaders and worship committees. “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
oel hunter • 5 years ago − Lutherans shall not be outdone here! Two verses from Earth and All Stars: Engines and steel, loud pounding hammers, sing to the Lord a new song! Limestone and beams, loud building workers, sing to the Lord a new song! Refrain Classrooms and labs, loud boiling test tubes, sing to the Lord a new song! Athlete and band, loud cheering people, sing to the Lord a new song! Yes, that's "loud boiling test tubes." Sing that one, sucka.

Personally, my money is on "God of Earth and Outer Space" as one of the worst hymns ever.

Here's a sample verse:

God of earth and outer space,
God of love and God of grace,
Bless the astronauts who fly,
As they soar beyond the sky.
Fling the spacecraft through the air,
Let man know your presence there.

Another favourite line:

As man walks in outerspace,
Teach him how to walk in grace.